if i am a girl, i am a girl idol, the best the world has seen and if i am your boyfriend, i will treat you like youre my queen BUT if i am your girl, i can be your woman and if i am your boy, i could be your toy i wanna know you i wanna know you in the sheets i wanna stop thinking about everything and the way it seems to be yeah i have a little bit of anxiety i wanna stop thinking about my context within the whole i wanna stop thinking about the people who think that i’m a whore if you wanna talk about what it means to be free you can always talk about it, talk about it with me and if i am a girl, i am a girl idol, the best the world has seen and if i am your boyfriend, i’d treat you like youre my queen if i am your girl, i can be your ~woman~ and if i am a boy, you can be my king im also not cis and i’m ok with that but i could ruin your life and i’m afraid of that if i am the best i’ve ever seen then damn, i am the best you’ve ever seen i wrote this song in ten minutes, and i’m posting it tonight how many songs can i write with C, G, and D? i don’t know! let’s find out

The floorboards creak in this house where i'm alone and youre with me i havent gotten much sleep i havent really been eating i feel you in the clothes i wear, you're in my speech, my heart, my songs my tweets, my weed, my eyes, my hair i know i'm not alone here i know i'm on my own here when will i be able to come home again? when will i be able to find someone who really makes me feel like you did. i was in love. i was so happy? even when things were bad, i always knew that i had you. you were my rock. you were my sappy, doting, favorite person. always holding and held. i miss you, i need help.

here i am in a new city here i am in a new place the way i feel isn’t pretty so it doesn’t match my makeup-covered face well back in high school i thought i knew who i was gonna be but it was based a lot on someone who wasn’t much like me and i won most unforgettable, most unreliable class crazy, class hipster, coolest hair class asshole, class artist, S-J-W the most likely to run out of the room, crying because life just isn't fair so i am wary of a lot of people for some stupid and some smart reasons i am a puppy in a vacuum factory i’m scared that i’m changing with the seasons but i am good and gettin better every day i don't want to kill myself all the time any more most unforgettable, most unreliable class crazy, class hipster, coolest hair class asshole, class artist, S-J-W the most likely to run out of the room, crying because life just isn't fair you can look up to me and still know that i make many mistakes you can listen to my music and never say a word to my face but if you have any questions that i didnt answer on this record hardlyflesh@gmail.com or hit me up on facebook!

im afraid of getting close to you bc i have some issues and i’m afraid that we’re both too much to make it work maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me and i promise that this song isn’t about you, even if you’re sure it is i wanna be a real person but i need baby gloves i’m too much of a man to accept that what i need is emotional support and comfort but i can see it, and i can believe it, and i cant change it and i don’t like seeming crazy at all and i can exist to turn you on maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me i need baby gloves

okay! i'll be boots made of concrete you can be gum, stuck to my soles and i guess you will tell me how i have weighed you down and we will never be those kids again you probably won’t listen to this album at least not all the way through i need to get away from you and it’s the hardest thing i’ve had to do okay! you are boots made of concrete and i am gum, stuck to your soles and i will tell you how it was all my fault i know i’m a dick but who said you weren’t i am changing, i am changed x3 i am changing, i am changed i’m not a better person than you and i’m not smarter or anything but if send you things that make me think of you and i send you playlists that i make about you and then we flirt with each other and you’ve asked for pics then you say i went too far without saying anything at all and we will never be those kids again you probably won’t listen to this album at least not all the way through i need to get away from you and it’s the hardest thing i’ve EVER had to do

i bled through my underwear, we ran out of booze my coffee went cold and i stained my brand new shoes my phone died, then i waited for an uber in the rain i missed my train, and i missed my train and then i missed my train regardless i’m trying my best my hair looks nice, my head’s held high, soon i’ll get some rest the sun came up this morning and i got out of bed i got ready for class and then i said, i wont kill myself today my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay i wont kill myself today my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay but soon im gonna fuck an old married man for money some mean ugly man kept calling me honey and i have to buy a pregnancy test every month and my friends paid $20 for a pre-rolled blunt regardless i’m trying my best my hair looks nice, my head’s held high, soon i’ll get some rest the sun came up this morning and i got out of bed i got ready for class and then i said, i wont kill myself today my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay i wont kill myself today my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay i forgot to take my meds again today it’s clear that none of the kids that like me here are gay donald trump could become president next week so naturally the world is lookin pretty bleak regardless i’m trying my best my hair looks nice, my head’s held high, soon i’ll get some rest the sun came up this morning and i got out of bed i got ready for class and then i said, i wont kill myself today my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay i wont kill myself today my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay

i don’t want a new diagnosis, I just wanna die i keep telling myself "it cant get worse than this," and then it does im a big wreck. cant remember to do anything, including eating and sleeping. feeling alone, drowning in bias, what if i’m biased what if i’m always lying?! go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed intense mood swings. “mild bipolar I” high-functioning, tried to ignore it. cognitive dissonance. questioning my every move. irrationality, abuse issues. kinda want cishet boys to be comfortable being friends with me but i also need queer kids in my life or else i'll go crazy and sometimes it seems like you cant have both go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed how can i write all of this stuff out thinking about protecting her, thinking about personal protection i’m shivering and i need sleep but everything sucks im trans but i dont look trans at all anymore but please laugh at my jokes anyways! please clap please clap go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed people like me better when i acknowledge my faults. need to be conscious of that. how does a bully become a lover my interpersonal relationships are shitty yet relatable sometimes i need to pick out every detail in my life story i need to go to sleep because this won’t end please sleep please sleep pleeeease sleep.

idk i hate my whiny PC-ass

drinkable punk stuck in a rut you dont talk to me i'm sorry fuckin up & around there's nowhere i'm bound don't follow me there's nothing to see here and does she love you like i do does she love you like i do does she love you like i do does she love you like i did drinkable punk i don't call you when drunk not anymore not anymore you say you're in love i still read your blog from time to time are you really in love with her and does she love you like i do does she love you like i do does she love you like i do does she love you like i did they said it would be different i never thought you'd do this my dear they said it would be different i just never thought you'd hurt me, dear

R.I.P.

sang while drunk with a buncha pals songs included: star spangled banner // francis scott key (1814) the times they are a changin // bob dylan (1964) (i can't get no) satisfaction // the rolling stones (1965) ohio // neil young (1970) american pie // don mclean (1971) imagine // john lennon (1971) stairway to heaven // led zeppelin (1971) search and destroy // the stooges (1973) piano man // billy joel (1973) bohemian rhapsody // queen (1975) come on eileen // too-rye-ay (1982) beat it // michael jackson (1982) hallelujah // leonard cohen (1984) born in the usa // bruce springsteen (1984) living on a prayer // bon jovi (1986) i just died in your arms tonight // cutting crew (1986) never gonna give you up // rick astley (1987) losing my religion // R.E.M. (1991) in bloom // nirvana (1991) semi-charmed life // third eye blind (1997) all star // smash mouth (1999) otherside // red hot chili peppers (1999) drops of jupiter // train (2001) lose yourself // eminem (2003) toxic // britney spears (2003) american idiot // green day (2004) crazy // gnarls barkley (2006) paper planes // MIA (2007) party in the USA // miley cyrus (2010) sail // awolnation (2011) titanium // david guetta (2012) american // lana del rey (2012) she keeps me warm // mary lambert (2013) riptide // vance joy (2014) take me to church // hozier (2014) bored in the usa // father john misty (2015)