new year, new me

by hardly flesh

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about

still finding myself.

"do I contradict myself? very well, then i contradict myself, i am large, i contain multitudes."
-walt whitman

credits

released November 20, 2016

special thanks to brenna, robin, anna, mj, hannah, simon, sarah, and everyone else whose cute voices are on this album <3
cover art is by brenna & i!

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

hardly flesh Fairfield, Connecticut

my name's harley french, and i'm just a queer teen artist with lots of feelings.

contact / help

Contact hardly flesh

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Track Name: gender sucks
if i am a girl, i am a girl idol, the best the world has seen
and if i am your boyfriend, i will treat you like youre my queen
BUT if i am your girl, i can be your woman
and if i am your boy, i could be your toy

i wanna know you
i wanna know you in the sheets

i wanna stop thinking about everything and the way it seems to be
yeah i have a little bit of anxiety
i wanna stop thinking about my context within the whole
i wanna stop thinking about the people who think that i’m a whore

if you wanna talk about what it means to be free
you can always talk about it, talk about it with me

and if i am a girl, i am a girl idol, the best the world has seen
and if i am your boyfriend, i’d treat you like youre my queen
if i am your girl, i can be your ~woman~
and if i am a boy, you can be my king

im also not cis and i’m ok with that
but i could ruin your life and i’m afraid of that
if i am the best i’ve ever seen then damn, i am the best you’ve ever seen
i wrote this song in ten minutes, and i’m posting it tonight

how many songs can i write with C, G, and D?
i don’t know! let’s find out
Track Name: emo
The floorboards creak in this house
where i'm alone and youre with me
i havent gotten much sleep
i havent really been eating

i feel you in the clothes i wear,
you're in my speech, my heart, my songs
my tweets, my weed, my eyes, my hair
i know i'm not alone here
i know i'm on my own here

when will i be able to come home again?
when will i be able to find someone who really makes me feel like you did.
i was in love. i was so happy?
even when things were bad, i always knew that i had you. you were my rock. you were my sappy, doting, favorite person.
always holding and held.

i miss you, i need help.
Track Name: i got five superlatives in senior year
here i am in a new city
here i am in a new place
the way i feel isn’t pretty
so it doesn’t match my makeup-covered face
well back in high school
i thought i knew who i was gonna be
but it was based a lot on someone
who wasn’t much like me

and i won
most unforgettable, most unreliable
class crazy, class hipster, coolest hair
class asshole, class artist, S-J-W
the most likely to run out of the room, crying
because life just isn't fair

so i am wary of a lot of people
for some stupid and some smart reasons
i am a puppy in a vacuum factory
i’m scared that i’m changing with the seasons
but i am good
and gettin better every day
i don't want to kill myself all the time
any more

most unforgettable, most unreliable
class crazy, class hipster, coolest hair
class asshole, class artist, S-J-W
the most likely to run out of the room, crying
because life just isn't fair

you can look up to me
and still know that i make many mistakes
you can listen to my music
and never say a word to my face

but if you have any questions
that i didnt answer on this record
hardlyflesh@gmail.com
or hit me up on facebook!
Track Name: maybe it's me
im afraid of getting close to you bc i have some issues
and i’m afraid that we’re both too much to make it work

maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me
and i promise that this song isn’t about you, even if you’re sure it is
i wanna be a real person but i need baby gloves

i’m too much of a man to accept that what i need
is emotional support and comfort

but i can see it, and i can believe it, and i cant change it
and i don’t like seeming crazy at all
and i can exist to turn you on

maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me
maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s me
i need baby gloves
Track Name: 6 inches deep
okay! i'll be boots made of concrete
you can be gum, stuck to my soles
and i guess you will tell me how i have weighed you down

and we will never be those kids again
you probably won’t listen to this album
at least not all the way through
i need to get away from you
and it’s the hardest thing i’ve had to do

okay! you are boots made of concrete
and i am gum, stuck to your soles
and i will tell you how it was all my fault

i know i’m a dick
but who said you weren’t
i am changing, i am changed x3
i am changing, i am changed

i’m not a better person than you
and i’m not smarter or anything
but if send you things that make me think of you
and i send you playlists that i make about you
and then we flirt with each other
and you’ve asked for pics
then you say i went too far
without saying anything at all

and we will never be those kids again
you probably won’t listen to this album
at least not all the way through
i need to get away from you
and it’s the hardest thing i’ve EVER had to do
Track Name: everything is ruff, but it's gonna get better
i bled through my underwear, we ran out of booze
my coffee went cold and i stained my brand new shoes
my phone died, then i waited for an uber in the rain
i missed my train, and i missed my train and then i missed my train

regardless i’m trying my best
my hair looks nice, my head’s held high, soon i’ll get some rest
the sun came up this morning and i got out of bed
i got ready for class and then i said,
i wont kill myself today
my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay
i wont kill myself today
my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay

but soon im gonna fuck an old married man for money
some mean ugly man kept calling me honey
and i have to buy a pregnancy test every month
and my friends paid $20 for a pre-rolled blunt

regardless i’m trying my best
my hair looks nice, my head’s held high, soon i’ll get some rest
the sun came up this morning and i got out of bed
i got ready for class and then i said,
i wont kill myself today
my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay
i wont kill myself today
my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay

i forgot to take my meds again today
it’s clear that none of the kids that like me here are gay
donald trump could become president next week
so naturally the world is lookin pretty bleak

regardless i’m trying my best
my hair looks nice, my head’s held high, soon i’ll get some rest
the sun came up this morning and i got out of bed
i got ready for class and then i said,
i wont kill myself today
my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay
i wont kill myself today
my heart will keep beating and soon i’ll be okay
Track Name: go to bed lmao
i don’t want a new diagnosis, I just wanna die
i keep telling myself "it cant get worse than this," and then it does
im a big wreck. cant remember to do anything, including eating and sleeping.
feeling alone, drowning in bias, what if i’m biased
what if i’m always lying?!

go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed
go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed

intense mood swings. “mild bipolar I”
high-functioning, tried to ignore it. cognitive dissonance.
questioning my every move. irrationality, abuse issues.
kinda want cishet boys to be comfortable being friends with me
but i also need queer kids in my life or else i'll go crazy
and sometimes it seems
like you cant have both

go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed
go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed

how can i write all of this stuff out
thinking about protecting her, thinking about personal protection
i’m shivering and i need sleep but everything sucks
im trans but i dont look trans at all anymore
but please laugh at my jokes anyways!
please clap
please clap

go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed
go to bed go to bed go to bed to go to bed go to bed

people like me better when i acknowledge my faults.
need to be conscious of that. how does a bully become a lover
my interpersonal relationships are shitty yet relatable
sometimes i need to pick out every detail in my life story
i need to go to sleep because this won’t end
please sleep
please sleep

pleeeease sleep.
Track Name: trump me up (11/9/16)
idk i hate my whiny PC-ass
Track Name: slam drunk (rerecorded)
drinkable punk
stuck in a rut
you dont talk to me
i'm sorry

fuckin up & around
there's nowhere i'm bound
don't follow me
there's nothing to see here

and does she love you like i do
does she love you like i do
does she love you like i do
does she love you like i did

drinkable punk
i don't call you when drunk
not anymore
not anymore
you say you're in love
i still read your blog
from time to time
are you really in love with her

and does she love you like i do
does she love you like i do
does she love you like i do
does she love you like i did

they said it would be different
i never thought you'd do this my dear
they said it would be different
i just never thought you'd hurt me, dear
Track Name: chelsea hotel no. 2 (leonard cohen)
R.I.P.
Track Name: song for d'acosta's USH, while drunk
sang while drunk with a buncha pals

songs included:
star spangled banner // francis scott key (1814)
the times they are a changin // bob dylan (1964)
(i can't get no) satisfaction // the rolling stones (1965)
ohio // neil young (1970)
american pie // don mclean (1971)
imagine // john lennon (1971)
stairway to heaven // led zeppelin (1971)
search and destroy // the stooges (1973)
piano man // billy joel (1973)
bohemian rhapsody // queen (1975)
come on eileen // too-rye-ay (1982)
beat it // michael jackson (1982)
hallelujah // leonard cohen (1984)
born in the usa // bruce springsteen (1984)
living on a prayer // bon jovi (1986)
i just died in your arms tonight // cutting crew (1986)
never gonna give you up // rick astley (1987)
losing my religion // R.E.M. (1991)
in bloom // nirvana (1991)
semi-charmed life // third eye blind (1997)
all star // smash mouth (1999)
otherside // red hot chili peppers (1999)
drops of jupiter // train (2001)
lose yourself // eminem (2003)
toxic // britney spears (2003)
american idiot // green day (2004)
crazy // gnarls barkley (2006)
paper planes // MIA (2007)
party in the USA // miley cyrus (2010)
sail // awolnation (2011)
titanium // david guetta (2012)
american // lana del rey (2012)
she keeps me warm // mary lambert (2013)
riptide // vance joy (2014)
take me to church // hozier (2014)
bored in the usa // father john misty (2015)